When I started my swim club nine years ago, I kept very close track of team records because I wanted to get a nice record board some time in the future. That record board didn’t have 8 & under or 6 & under records on it. When I started the first team website, one of my team parents talked me into posting them on the site with the other records. Of course, I should have known that it was because she wanted to have her son break them all. It wasn’t because he was fast. It was because mom was going to make him swim the events no one else had completed yet. The 8 & under 200 back and things like that. She made a big deal of her son owning a lot of team records. It was a little frustrating for me. It just defeated the purpose of having records. Non-records are set a lot when you have a new team, but this seemed kind of ridiculous.
So when I read about this guy, Jaring Timmerman, the centenarian, and all of the “World Records” he is breaking… let’s just say it rubbed me the wrong way.
To quote from an article: “You know something?," he posed to an interviewer. "And this is hard to believe -- but I broke the 100-metre freestyle world record by one minute, 30 seconds. Can you picture that? That is more than I ever anticipated. I think it's the adrenaline that starts to flow, you know? It seemed to work."
Well of course you are breaking records… no one else is around to swim in the 100-104 year old age group! What a freekin’ glory hound! That is like me taking my 2 year old daughter and just creating a 2 & under age group just so she can have all the records! Plus you were probably wearing a LZR! I can’t wait to hear what Craig Lord has to say about your part of the world record bull run!
That’s it! I have a new goal. I am going to get my crazy training routine on. I am gonna dedicate myself to breaking every one of those damn 100-104 age group world records. Just imagine how fast I am gonna be with another 65 years of training and improvement under my belt. You think my first 15 year swimming career was intense? Well the next 65 years are gonna make that look like beginner step aerobics. Just think, when I am finished with my coaching career and retired, I will have another 40 plus years to train full time with no interference. Two a days plus weights will be my recovery day.
And the best part… even if FINA has approved robotic body parts and performance enhancing nano-technology in the bloodstream by 2074, I am not going to use it. I am gonna break all your records in nothing but a brief. Ha! Stick that in your pipe and smoke it!
Mr. Timmerman’s 50 split on his world record breaking 100 free was a 1:26! I am so gonna whale on that time. Watch out Jaring. I’m gunning for you.
*just kidding, guys. I think it is awesome that he is modeling swimming as the ultimate lifetime sport. I can only hope I am breathing at age 100, much less setting records or pursuing any kind of athletic or healthy endeavor. I hope I get to see you race someday Mr. T! I am in awe.