Saturday, January 15, 2011

It's just a urinal. What's the big deal?

Not too long ago, my wife and I were watching some tv show that had two guys in separate restroom stalls talking to each other. It was no big deal, except that it led her to start asking questions about men's room etiquette.

Don't get me wrong... I didn't mind filling her in about it. It just got a little strange when she started getting really inquisitive about urinals.

"What do they look like?"

"Is it one person going at a time or do you share it with other guys?"

"Are there tall urinals and short urinals?"

"Do you guys all talk to each other while you are going?"

"Have you ever accidentally pee'd on someone because they were standing too close?"

Of course, I answered the interrogation the same way I answer rapid fire questions from my 3 and 4 year old daughters (and sometimes my high school swimmers too): I gave ridiculously wrong answers in as believable a way as I could. Kind of the same way Calvin's (& Hobbes) dad told him that old pictures are really in color but the world was black and white back then and that a lot of the great artists who painted in color were actually insane.

"Strangers pee on my shoes all the time. That's just part of being a dude. Once we start chatting it's hard to aim. Especially with all the high fives and stuff."

It was fun and all, but the best part didn't come until the next day. I got a text message from my better half that said "Eek! I guess now I know what a urinal looks like!"

Apparently she had accidentally walked into the men's room at the grocery store.

Now you tell me... was it really an accident or did her curiosity just overpower her judgment? Really?! What are the odds that she would accidentally walk into the men's room for the first time in her life the very day after that conversation clearly showing she had an unhealthy curiosity about the shape of a urinal?

I guess it could have been an accident. She did marry me so I oughtta give her the benefit of the doubt. It's not that uncommon. No matter how many times I look at the sign on the way in, there is always that little bit of terror that builds until I actually spot a urinal, thus confirming that I truly am in the right place.

But still... there was definitely something weird going on with all those questions. Know what I'm sayin'?

"Hey, why is my back all wet?"

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