Monday, May 16, 2011

Guest Blogger: Phelps Phan, Ritchie MP Cummins

"That's me taking a break between rounds of Push the Limit on my XBOX 360."

I have to admit, I had never watched a swim meet before until I saw the 2008 Olympics where Michael Phelps had his magical moment of winning eight gold medals. Since then, I have wanted to be just like Mike. I know that I won’t ever date like, supermodels or anything, but I can still be Phelpsian and live my life to the fullest every day just like my hero, Michael Phelps.

Michael has inspired me to be a better person. I used to be a slacker, but now I try really hard in all my classes at school. I am learning Chinese by using Rosetta Stone. I enter online poker tournaments almost every night. I have lost a lot of weight because I only eat at Subway. I bathe and practice my technique in a Michael Phelps Signature Swim Spa. I even tried marijuana once, but then I gave it up because Michael did too. I also spend a lot more time with my mom now because her wisdom can help to guide me to greatness just like Michael‘s mom Debbie, who I follow on Twitter, hoping for some juicy nuggets of inspiration to help me be more awesome too.

At first I was a little bit scared of the swim spa, but I signed up for swim lessons at the Y and that has really helped to ease my fear. Luckily, my instructor says I can wear my Speedo LZR in my lessons, even though the FINA swim people made it illegal. I call my instructor Bob, or sometimes Mr. Bowman, even though she is a girl. It drives her crazy! I know will never be as good of a swimmer as Michael, but I am not gonna quit my swim lessons until I can at least do one of those flip turn thingies without plugging my nose. Also, I am really good at the Xbox Kinect Michael Phelps game and maybe that will help me with my laps in the pool. You should see me when I dolphin kick. I got the hips!

The thing I like about Michael Phelps is that even when he looks like he is gonna lose, he still wins! He wins all the time, even when his goggles fill with water! Even when there is photographic evidence that indisputably shows that he lost! Eat your heart out Charlie Sheen. Michael Phelps is duh, winning! He never loses! If you tried the drug called Michael Phelps you would probably die because it would be more awesome than you could handle. Ha ha!
…uh, wait. What? He loses sometimes? Well yeah, but if you know anything about swimming you know that even Michael has his best events, and then he has some that he doesn’t really focus on. Michael always jokes about how bad his breaststroke is, but breaststroke is the slowest stroke so of course he doesn't care about it. His events from Beijing are the ones that he never loses. Duh.

…uh, what? He was 6th in the 200 free at the Charlotte Ultraswim? Umm… yeah but if you know anything about swimming you know that the best swimmers always swim slower when they are practicing really hard. Nobody practices harder than Michael Phelps. Plus, he hasn’t lost his best event, the 200 butterfly, in like nine years!

…uh, what? Peng Wu who? A Chinese guy beat him twice in the last four weeks? In the 200 fly? Ummm… what suit was he wearing?

Well. Uh… The Olympics are still a long way away. Maybe this will make Michael really motivated and he will win nine gold medals in London. I think that is his plan. I heard he is adding the 100 freestyle to his repertoire so he can race Ian the Thorpedo again. That is going to be really exciting. I can’t wait for next summer. I have already booked my hotel in Omaha and I am trying to win enough at poker to be able to fly to London! If there are any Phelps Phans who want to meet up, email me at and we will get together and talk about how Michael Phelps has changed our lives!



  1. Amazing stuff. I'm so going to send the link to @PhelpsTheFish.

  2. Plus, Wu-Peng was fresh off altitude training.