Thursday, April 26, 2012

My Quest to Become Swimming's Most Obnoxious Fan

In the comments of my last post, Gus suggested I should make one of those big heads and be the swimming version of this guy:

This guy deserves every bit of the fame he has been given.  
I would love to be the big head guy for our sport, but I would also want to pay homage to one of our own, a former Duke swimmer (that's the rumor anyway,) who made Coach Krzyzewski address the school's speedo problem in a press conference...  Patrick King, The Duke Speedo Guy. 

Yet another reason I am all about the brief.  The LZR can't help you beat North Carolina in basketball.  

Watch the whole Sportscenter video.  It is hilarious.  Legendary hilarious.

So, here is my plan:  ASCA is having a contest.  John Leonard sent this email out a few days ago:

Dear Coach,

ASCA has the best box seats in the house at the Olympic Trials.  And we’re running a contest to REWARD the coaches who help us grow ASCA membership, with a FREE Olympic Trials Ticket!

The coaches that produce the highest number of NEW or RENEWED memberships will get the opportunity to have 2 tickets in box seating for a single day, prelims and finals, of Olympic Trials.  The box is “prime” seating; above the starting blocks.

There are 7 days of events, June 25th to July 1st, meaning there will be a total of 35 winners!  This excludes July 2nd, in which there is only a finals session of the Women’s 50m Freestyle and the Men’s 1500m Freestyle.
The grand prize includes choice of date and an additional box-ticket to finals on July 2nd. 

The renewing or new member must say “I am being referred by” and your name, in order to get credit for the membership.

Memberships cannot be done online because there is not a way to mention a referral. The membership must be completed by either calling Melanie at (800) 356-2722, emailing, by fax
(954) 563-9813, or sent by mail if your preference is to send a check.

The memberships do not need to be sent in all at once, since we will be keeping a tally. But…the renewing or new members must mention a referral to get credit.

The contest begins immediately, and runs through MAY 28.  On May 29, we’ll notify all the winners for selection of dates in order from the top membership producers, down through the 35th best producer!

If you haven't renewed yet, please make it a point to say I referred you.  Just make sure you don't say you were referred by the Viking... use my real name, Shawn Klosterman.  I have got to at least be one of the top 35, right?

If I win a seat in this contest I will not only have a big head made... I will hold it up while dancing in a brief and a Viking helmet.  I will even make it a pink brief.  That is a promise.  Think about it:  Not only will I be behind the blocks on national television-- I will be  next to John Leonard!  That will be awkward on so many levels!  Internet comedy Gold!

Come on, guys!  In the name of good swimming internet content you have to help me win this contest!  I feel like I am the only swimming internet persona not already going to the trials... this contest is my only chance!  Show your support for the brief by getting me one of the good seats!


  1. No way!! You have to win this thing. I'm referring you right now

  2. The video is hilarious.

    I would send you the money for a new membership - I have no interest in becoming a member. The problem is, the tickets are probably already allocated and it wouldn't matter how many people you referred.

    You might get a nice congratulatory letter stating that you did a great job, but just missed the cutoff - try again in 2016. We had an overwhelming response and the final spot went to the individual who referred 1650 people while you only referred 1648!

    But, if you would like to try, I'd be happy to help. Tell me where to send the money and I'll put it in the mail today and you could give the membership to whomever you like.

  3. Leonard sounds greedy!

    The letter should read:

    As a thank you for supporting ASCA, we will be conducting a lottery of all current members by giving away prime tickets to the Olympic Trials. Please let us know if you would like to be part of the drawing.