Swim Brief Classic: Finally, a Voice of Reason Brings a Real Solution!

I saw someone with their thong showing above their jeans today and it reminded me of this piece that I originally posted at swimviking on June 5, 2009, when we were still getting used to having an approved suit list.  It seems that the Rosetta Stone program that the interviewers were using might have had trouble translating, or maybe Ryosuke was really on to something.  Check it out:

I'm gonna go hit the pool after work.  You coming?

Ryosuke Irie, whose celebration over demolishing Ryan Lochte's 200 LCM Backstroke record was cut short when FINA left his Descente suit off of their list, has taken the swimsuit saga in a whole new direction...

G-Strings!

You can't make this stuff up, guys! It's for real! How did the rest of us never think of it? It's brilliant!

All of our "technological doping" problems would be solved, and it would be comedy gold! The drama would be way more hilarious than our current mess, and it is almost a guarantee that competitive swimming would be mentioned on Conan O'Brien nearly every day for years!

There would be multiple sitcoms based on our sport! This would be more valuable to the American comedy industry than George W being elected for a third term!

The only negatives I can see are:
1) the word "buttocks" would have to be removed from the "suits must cover the breasts and buttocks" page in the high school swimming rule book.
2) no one would want to run a stopwatch anymore at meet, simply due to the logistics of it all when the swimmers are taking their mark.

Other than that, the G-string plan is awesome on so many levels!

I have to say Mr. Irie, for a nineteen year old, you have a stellar vision for the long-term future of swimming. I am totally on board with your idea. Do they take write in candidates for the FINA president's job that was left open when Larfaoui stepped down? I would vote for you! We need a progressive thinking rebel leading the way to a pure sport!

You da man, Ryosuke!

Swim Brief Classic: "You know you are famous when..."

Occasionally your Swim Brief crew will re-post some of our past work from various other swim sites.  Some of you new fish out there probably haven't read this stuff before and we hope it stands up to the test of time.  This was originally posted in April 2009 at swimviking.  Enjoy.  

Phelps-o-gasm? Really?

  
I once heard someone famous say they were sooo excited to finally be made into an action figure like Harrison Ford. I told my girls team a few years ago that I wanted an action figure made of me someday, so they cut my face out of a picture and glued it to a naked Ken doll with a cape.

Clever, but disturbing nonetheless.


I think it is really cool that there are so many strange ways your face can be marketed to let you know you are finally famous. We all think of the simple ones, like the cover of a magazine, a movie poster or appearing on Letterman. We might actually enjoy some of the ones that are a little more obscure, like when you are made into an action figure, appear on cereal boxes, cartoons, a whacked out record in the Guinness book, or when you score your first stalker. Then there are the really "out there" ones…

…like finding your name multiple times in the urban dictionary.

Go ahead. Look up Phelps. You will find crazy definitions for the following and more:

Phellowship, Phelopiandude, phelp, phelp faced, phelpage, Phelped, Phelpian, phelpified, phelpin' , Phelping, Phelpism, phelpistic, Phelpitized, Phelps, Phelps Hit, Phelps Phan, phelps phenomenon, Phelps Photo Op, Phelps Phreestyle, Phelps syndrome, Phelps'd, Phelps-it, Phelps-o-gasm, phelps-style, Phelpsed Out, Phelpsgasm, Phelpsian, Phelpsian Achievement, Phelpsian breakfast, Phelpsian feat, Phelpsianic, Phelpsies, Phelpsin' It, phelpsing

…and the best one Phelpsturbate.

Ouch, man. Maybe I don’t want to win 8 gold medals.  While some of these are great, some of them just ain't. 

*Warning:  don't go to Urban Dictionary unless you are at least 18.  Or maybe 40.  I am not sure I am even mature enough for some of the stuff I read there.