Exogenous Ketones!

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

The Hospitality Table May Be the Death of Me


Free food.  Free food everywhere.  The gluttony never stops.  When I was a young coach I used to put meets on my schedule based on how good the hospitality table was.  Some clubs even get a reputation.  I would email the coaches to make requests.  "Are you gonna serve that yummy fruit pizza again?"  It's almost like some kind of a neighborhood competition you would see on The Real Housewives of New Jersey.  Seriously.  It has gone too far.


"You's gonna come to my swim meet and badmouth my cinnamon rolls?! Your meet didn't even have a cappuccino machine!"
Three full meals served every day of a weekend invitational would be enough, but noooo......  they have tubs of cookies and bowls of candy just a few feet away from where we coaches park to watch our swimmers race.  Ten steps to an unlimited supply of chocolaty goodness?  Sure.  Why not?  If I used a pedometer it would actually measure my anti-fitness, as it would record nothing but the steps I am taking to and from food.

Sorry kid.  I didn't get your splits.  I had to use my heat sheet as a napkin and I think I accidentally ate my stopwatch.

How do I know they are trying to kill me?  It's the wagon.  They send a kid in to do the dirty work.  A seven year old with a funny Christmas hat, pulling a radio flyer wagon full of sugary drinks and cookies and breakfast burritos and syrup. Oh, you brought a tub of frosting to spread on my bacon?  How thoughtful! Come on, kid.  I am trying to take splits here.  How about I open my mouth and you just spray the whipped cream in, eh?

What?  You don't dress like an elf for the December invitational meets?
Then, to make it worse, it's like the other coaches want to put the nails in my coffin by exploiting my biggest weakness:  hot wings.  "Hey, you wanna hit Buffalo Wild Wings after finals?  There's a coupon in the heat sheet for six free wings if you buy a dozen."

Yeah... because that's what I need.  18 wings and a couple of beers for my fourth meal right before bed.  At least the hospitality room doesn't have beer.  We all know how that would end up.

9 comments:

  1. When I was a young club coach I was at a roundtable type clinic, and we were talking about different ways to get better attendance from teams and swimmers when you host meets. Suggestions were heat winner ribbons, different meet formats, etc. I suggested having GREAT hospitality for coaches, and nobody took me seriously.

    I NEVER missed this one little meet where they always had kickass pulled pork, and made sure it was on my team's schedule every year. Take a look at swim coaches, the way to our heart is through our stomach.

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    1. well, the teams in our area have figured it out. I think if I started a high end catering company just for swim meets I could make bank.

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  2. There have been meets where I sacrifice some of my travel budget, buying myself and my staff snacks because of a lack of quality. I don't know how some coaches can even function eating the crap teams & their volunteers think some of us want. It would be nice if there was an initiative started by USA Swimming to have meet hosts practice what we preach to our swimmers about healthy eating.

    It blows my mind how some teams who have coaches who have been to big meets (JR Nats, GPrixs, etc.), don't take the time to provide good hospitality for visiting coaches and especially the officials. Being a bit into food myself, I try to make our hospitality as good as we can and we get 90% of donated. I don't have to be involved in hospitality, but I have had too many experiences where hospitality has made a meet less enjoyable and I feel like crap to not be.

    Hell, I'll take a meet that goes over its timeline by an hour plus if hospitality is good.

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    1. tis true. if it's in front of me I am gonna eat it. walking back and forth for celery sets a better example. of course, me having a little self control might set a good example too...

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  3. Maybe coaches and officials should provide their own food and snacks - then everyone would be satisified.

    It's quite hilarious when families are forced to "donate" cases of gatorade, dozens of eggs, pounds of bacon and sausage for those breakfast burritos and then are required to "buy" back the food for their swimmer - even the young kids saw this as being a problem.

    Parents work the meets, donate the food, pay entry fees and provide their own meals. If the volunteers are providing their own meals than the paid coaches and officials should provide their own meals.

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  4. I'm in Knoxville right now at Juniors and I've NEVER had better (southern) hospitality. We had carved prime rib tonight. Stanford last summer was awful. Too much hippie organic nonsense. They didn't even have Diet Coke!!!!!!!!!! Coaches can not live without Diet Coke!!!!!!!!!

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    1. Not all meets are created equally and maybe a little hippie organic nonsense might be good for someone who can't live without their diet coke. I too am a coach, but I try not to drink caffeine at meets, because sets a bad example for kids to be swilling it all the time and really not any good for you. I don't drink that much at all, actually. You'd be surprised how much better you feel after you remove something like diet coke from your life. Aside from the potential headaches from caffeine withdrawals...

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  5. I always wondered why some teams snub other teams meets - I had no idea it was the FOOD!

    The kids need the meets to best their recorded times. It seemed silly that meets were removed from the team calendar AND then the team would get pissed off if individual families attended anyway.

    Hmmm - so teams basically go on strike because the FOOD is not adequate and retaliate against the families who cross the picket lines - interesting.

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    1. Lighten up .... This doesn't actually happen.

      Thanks

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