Saturday, December 5, 2009

...because beer and excellence don't always go hand in hand.

Back in college, I was proud to be the guy buying the four dollar twelve pack. It was exciting for me when someone would try to convince me to grow up and try their fancy premium imports, or even worse Zima, because it was my opportunity to wax poetic the virtues of my favorite cheap box of aluminum cans. The most solid argument I ever had was “nothing beats first place, dude!” There was nothing they could say. I win. Every time. Pabst had a blue ribbon right on the can!

So, I got to thinking last night about PBR, and how their marketing strategy has been riding on a blue ribbon they won way back in 1893. Think about it! That is over a hundred years! Spitz barely got 30 years out of his performance in Munich! I feel great for a few weeks after a good race, but I have never been so excited about it that I could carry that momentum for so long!

Then I got to thinking that the only thing cooler than a blue ribbon… is a gold medal. So, then, naturally… if Michael Phelps wanted to market something called 8 Gold Medal Beer, one could assume that his marketing strategy would be solid for close to 1000 years. Right? Makes me want to brew and sell my own beer. Damn. Shoulda trained harder and won 8 gold medals. Coulda built a brewing dynasty.

Then I started thinking about how beer helps our self-esteem. Americans lead the world in high self-esteem, and I am sure that beer plays a large part in that. I want to make people feel better about themselves with my own unique brew. Not that my self-image needs any help, mind you… I just started feeling a little sad for those people who were never good enough to win a blue ribbon or a gold medal. Granted, the reason PBR still sells is that people want to associate themselves with that kind of excellence. I feel like I am the Jason Lezak of an awesome Olympic beer relay when I have had enough of them. But, shouldn’t we also have a beer for those other people who maybe aren’t as awesome as me and Michael Phelps? You know, those people who never got more than a heat winner or best time ribbon? And aren’t there more of those consumers out there, who might be intimidated by a beer that inspires an excellence that they might never achieve? Wouldn’t the masses relate better to a beer more suited for them, that is maybe grounded with a little more realistic expectations?

And that’s when I realized I had the beginnings of a new brew that is guaranteed to sell to the average Joe. I am gonna make bank with this one. Don Draper has nothing on me…

And then I got to thinking that all this thinking was starting to make my head hurt, and I probably better just get to bed before I think up something really stupid.


  1. I uh...I don't know what to say.

    This does remind me of a meet held here in Nebraska. The host team gave out meet mementos instead of awards (which is the norm here rather than awards, or as I call them rewards). They truely gave out a reward for swimming at their meet. The medal said "swimming" on it, thats it. Everyone at the meet got a medal for participation. In hind sight it was sort of fun to hand them out, as I got the same look from everyone over 9 years old. It is the look that most adults would give followed by, WTF?

  2. SV-
    You post something, not pertaining to suits and you get two comments from the same guy. You post stuff from Chris and talk about suits you get a 300-2000% more comments. What gives? The brothers at flo-sucking are interested in commenting unless you speak about swimming, suits, etc?

    Not even a knock on how this article pertains to nothing or why would you post such garbage. Just silence, but I suppose silence is acceptance at times. Shutting up now.