Proud to be an Alaskan

This morning on Bob & Tom, Joel McHale was a guest. Joel is the host of The Soup and I have to say, the guy is hilarious. He talked a little about working with Chevy Chase on a new show, Community, which sounds awesome...

but that is not why I am blogging about it.

Joel said that he was now doing stand-up, and he did a show in Juneau, Alaska. He said that the audience there was so drunk that they were actually going up on stage during the show to say hi and chat. I don't doubt it a bit.

I am so proud to be an Alaskan.

Syttende Mai with the Simpsons

I just had to post this Simpsons episode. It's about Norwegian immigrants coming to Springfield. The air date for this was May 17th... Syttende Mai! Complete with accents and uff da's, it sure is nice to be able to celebrate Mayfest in a new way. Enjoy!

Speedo's Flying Fish Revealed!

I have always been so jealous of the other swim bloggers who seem to have secret informants who email them the inside scoop on the latest swimming news. Well, this picture was emailed to me yesterday.

It's the mysterious Speedo "Flying Fish" model that appeared on the FINA approved swimsuit list! Everyone has been speculating about what the suit could be... well now we know!

Waitaminnit?!...

...does anyone else have a bad feeling about this? It looks kind of like a Blueseventy Nero with a Speedo label on it.

hmmm...?

Finally, a Voice of Reason Brings a Real Solution!

I can't believe I missed this headline the other day. The whole robbery thing has put me way behind. Tony Austin got to post all the good stuff about the TYR trial moving forward while I was computer-less, but no one has made a big deal out of this one yet:

Ryosuke Irie, whose celebration over demolishing Ryan Lochte's 200 LCM Backstroke record was cut short when FINA left his Descente suit off of their list, has taken the swimsuit saga in a whole new direction...

G-Strings!

You can't make this stuff up, guys! It's for real! How did the rest of us never think of it? It's brilliant!

All of our "technological doping" problems would be solved, and it would be comedy gold! The drama would be way more hilarious than our current mess, and it is almost a guarantee that competitive swimming would be mentioned on Conan O'Brien nearly every day for years!

There would be multiple sitcoms based on our sport! This would be more valuable to the American comedy industry than George W being elected for a third term!

The only negatives I can see are:
1) the word "buttocks" would have to be removed from the "suits must cover the breasts and buttocks" page in the high school swimming rule book.
2) no one would want to run a stopwatch anymore at meet, simply due to the logistics of it all when the swimmers are taking their mark.

Other than that, the G-string plan is awesome on so many levels!

I have to say Mr. Irie, for a nineteen year old, you have a stellar vision for the long-term future of swimming. I am totally on board with your idea. Do they take write in candidates for the FINA president's job that was left open when Larfaoui stepped down? I would vote for you! We need a progressive thinking rebel leading the way to a pure sport!

You da man, Ryosuke!

High School Decision on Suits...

This email was sent out to state high school associations this week:

"The NFHS Swimming and Diving Rules Committee, along with your NFHS staff, continue to monitor the evolution of new findings and policies in the swimming world regarding the new technical swim suits that debuted a little over a year ago. These suits are being developed and placed on the market at a rapid rate.

As you may be aware, FINA, the international governing body for swimming, took its first steps last week to regulate the high-tech suits that may be worn in FINA competition. By way of review and approval of individual suit models, the first list of suits that may be worn for FINA competition has been made public. An additional 100 plus suits are pending possible approval if modifications to the suits are made and found to be in compliance with FINA standards. This list is valid only through December 31, 2009 and will continue to be updated during this time period. There will likely be changes in suit requirements to be eligible for use in FINA competition in the new year. In other words, these suits and regulations continue to frequently change.

Through the scientific testing being conducted by FINA, the rule codes of other organizations may be impacted by the findings. The NFHS, at this time, is not adopting an approval list of high-tech suits, similar to that of FINA. Our position remains that the NFHS does not perform scientific tests on any specific items of equipment or apparel. Based on the information available to the NFHS at this time, the high-tech suits are not currently prohibited under Rule 3-3-2. Individual state associations may consider more restrictive action at this time if deemed appropriate for your state. The NFHS continues to monitor this situation and any change in our position on the high-tech suits and/or rule changes shall be communicated immediately to our state associations."

I guess I can understand why they might hesitate until FINA has finished their process before deeming anything illegal. It is basically the same stand that USMS is taking. My biggest concern with that is: are high school times no longer going to be allowed in the SWIMS database? I really doubt that USA officials are going to show up at our conference and state meets with barcode scanners to determine who had a "USA legal" swim. I am sure it will be all or nothing, because if a state does not decide on it's own to adopt the USA Swimming policy wording on suits they will not be granted an approved high school meet sanction. It will be all or none regarding times that can be used as qualifiers for USA meets. I hope that this difference in policies doesn't extend into the fall and beyond. This could be tough on a lot of kids.

Speedo Initiates Sinister Phase Two of Global Marketing Plan

Speedo Initiates Sinister Phase Two of Global Marketing Plan
The Screaming Viking! June 4, 2009

ROME, ITALY-- Speedo Corporation, a subsidiary of Warnaco Group, Inc., has announced today at a press conference that they are initiating the second phase of their global marketing plan, “Operation Monopoly Man.” The announcement comes during a time of turmoil within the world of competitive swimming. The introduction of hundreds of swimsuits from various companies based on neoprene and other “non-permeable” fabrics has caused rifts between national swimming federations and has split the core demographic of the sport down the middle. On the one side, supporters of the new technology consider “technical suits” to be a natural part of the progression and advancement of the sport and liken it to advances in sneakers, tennis rackets and other such equipment in various mainstream sports. Those who resist consider the modern age of swim suits to be “technical doping” and are outraged that swimming’s international governing body, FINA, allowed them to enter the market without proper testing to determine whether they were performance enhancing or aid flotation, which would have rendered them immediately illegal.

Phase one of Speedo’s plan involved the secret infiltration of political and corporate offices to broaden Speedo’s influence and gain support to place legislation on technical suits that are biased toward Speedo technology. An international commission of coaches met in May to determine the standards to which swimsuit companies must comply. That commission included several coaches who are employed by Speedo, which effectively meant that all suits submitted must meet Speedo criteria for competition. Once the legislation was passed in Laussane, Switzerland the door was opened to begin phase two operations which includes forced compliance of all nations to the FINA approved list and the demolition of several factories involved in the manufacturing of swimsuits for rival companies such as Blueseventy and Arena. Numerous suits from organizations such as these were left off of the list of approved suits, even after meeting the published standards set forth by the commission. This has caused many businesses to cry foul as they are pushed to the brink of bankruptcy over what has been called a subjective decision rather than one based on scientific evidence of performance enhancement.

Speedo has already set troops, including a squadron of technologically advanced Michael Phelps clones, in place aboard aircraft carriers outside of Italian and Japanese cities awaiting orders to aggressively occupy major ports of interest should those nations continue to allow non-conforming swimsuit technology to be worn in competition or allow records set in such technology to stand.

Head Coach for the United States Swimming and FINA commission member Mark Schubert released the following statement: “We are pleased to be able to finally restore the integrity of the sport of swimming and we are excited about the opportunity to be a part of the peace-keeping force that will maintain the new order. Swimming suit technology has gone too far. It is time for us to get back to our comfortable threshold of two percent performance enhancement. Anything beyond the regulated two percent will be met with swift military action.”

Japan and Italy are currently in talks to reach a cease fire agreement before the upcoming World Championships in Rome. France is also in negotiations to free sprinters Fred Bousquet and Alain Bernard who were imprisoned with their reputations tarnished after they swam just too freakin’ fast at French Nationals in gear not approved by Speedo.

Most boring job in the world.

I know that a couple of the other bloggers beat me to this pic, but I couldn't help but comment.

I once hired a lifeguard who had the strangest habit of jumping in to save swimmers who really didn't need the help. It had to be pretty annoying for the "distressed" swimmer, but I didn't want to kill her enthusiasm for her job so I just let it go. It was kind of funny.

If I were that lifeguard watching Michael swim, I just don't think I could help myself. I would have to jump in and save him. It would make for a hell of a story and I guarantee he would never forget me for the rest of his life!

HA!